Some quotes of al Qurtubi on Marriage life.
- a) Seeking dominance over the wife.
- b) Tafsir of “Qawwam”
- c) Informing the woman about her proposal.
- d) Taking medicine to increase strength
- e) Whether one may see, touch and kiss the private parts of wife or not.
- f) Halal Positions of sex.
- g) Beautifying oneself for his wife
- a) Seeking dominance over the wife.
al Qurtubi said:
قوله تعالى: { إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراً } إشارة إلى الأزواج بخفض الجناح ولِين الجانب؛ أي إن كنتم تقدِرون عليهن فتذكّروا قدرة الله؛ فيَدهُ بالقدرة فوق كل يد. فلا يَستعلي أحد على ٱمرأته فالله بالمرصاد؛ فلذلك حسن الاتصاف هنا بالعلوّ والكبر.
Allah says {For Allah is Most High, great (above you all)}, This is pointing towards the husbands that they should be soft and be humble in the behavior, That if you have (more) power then remember the Power of Allah, his hand of power is above all hands. So, no one should seek dominance over his wife, as Allah is watching everything. It is good to mention the attributes of al Uluw and Kibr here. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 4:34]
- b) Tafsir of “Qawwam”
Al Qurtubi said:
فَهِم العلماء من قوله تعالى: { وَبِمَآ أَنْفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ } أنه متى عجز عن نفقتها لم يكن قوّاماً عليها، وإذا لم يكن قَوّاماً عليها كان لها فسخ العقد؛ لزوال المقصود الذي شُرع لأجله النكاح. وفيه دلالة واضحةٌ من هذا الوجه على ثبوت فسخ النكاح عند الإعسار بالنفقة والكسوة؛ وهو مذهب مالك والشافعي. وقال أبو حنيفة؛ لا يفسخ؛ لقوله تعالى:
{ وَإِن كَانَ ذُو عُسْرَةٍ فَنَظِرَةٌ إِلَىٰ مَيْسَرَةٍ }
[البقرة: 280] وقد تقدّم القول في هذا في هذه السورة.The scholars understood from the verse “and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth”. If a Man who is unable to spend on her then he is not “Qawwam” (In charge) of her. And when he is not “Qawwam” on her then it is allowed for her to terminate the contract, because the aim of marriage is not fulfilled due to which Nikah is prescribed. This verse is the evidence of terminating the nikah when one is unable to spend on maintenance. This is the saying of Imam Malik and ash-Shafiee, but Imam Abu Hanifa said: Nikah should not be terminated because Allah says: “And if someone is in hardship, then [let there be] postponement until [a time of] ease.” (al Baqarah verse 280) The tafsir on this verse is already mentioned before . [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 4:34]
- c) Informing the woman about her proposal.
Teacher of Abu Abdullah al Qurtubi, Abul Abbas Qurtubi said:
وقد استحب علماؤنا أن تعرّف البكر أنّ سكوتها محمول منها على الإذن، ليكون ذلك زيادة في تعريفها، وتنبيهاً لها على ما يخاف ان تجهله
It is good according to our scholars that the virgin should be informed that her silence will be considered her consent.. and to alert her so that there will be no fear of ignorance. [al Mufhim 4/118]
- d) Taking medicine to increase strength.
al Qurtubi said:
ثم عليه أن يَتَوخّى أوقات حاجتها إلى الرجل فيُعِفّها ويُغنيها عن التطلع إلى غيره. وإن رأى الرجُل من نفسه عجزا عن إقامة حقها في مضجعها أخذ من الأدْوِيّة التي تزيد في باهِه وتُقوّي شهوته حتى يُعفّها.
Then he should be mindful of the times when she needs a man’s companionship, satisfying her needs and preventing her from seeking it elsewhere. If the man realizes his own inability to fulfill her rights in bed, he can take medications that increase his vigor and enhance his desire, ultimately satisfying her. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under surah al Baqarah verse 228]
- e) Whether one may see, touch and kiss the private parts of wife or not.
al Qurtubi said:
اختلف الناس في جواز نظر الرجل إلى فرج المرأة ؛ على قولين : أحدهما : يجوز ؛ لأنه إذا جاز له التلذذ به فالنظر أولى . وقيل : لا يجوز ؛ لقول عائشة – رضي الله عنها – في ذكر حالها مع رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم – : ما رأيت ذلك منه ولا رأى ذلك مني والأول أصح ، وهذا محمول على الأدب ؛ قاله ابن العربي . وقد قال أصبغ من علمائنا : يجوز له أن يلحسه بلسانه . وقال ابن خويز منداد : أما الزوج والسيد فيجوز له أن ينظر إلى سائر الجسد وظاهر الفرج دون باطنه . وكذلك المرأة يجوز أن تنظر إلى عورة زوجها .
There is difference of opinion on whether a man may see the vagina of his wife, there are two sayings in this regard.
First: It is allowed because when it is allowed to take pleasure from it, then seeing it is more allowed.
(second) It is said: it is not allowed due to the hadith of Aisha ra ““I never looked at his private part and he never looked at mine.’ ”[This hadith with these words are not found in any book with authentic chain of narrators, see Silsilah ad-Daeefa 195 and 196 and Adaab az-Zaffaf al Albani]
The first opinion is saheeh and this (weak or fabricated hadith) is based on Adab as said by Ibn al Arabi [in Ahkam al Qur`an under Surah an-Nur verse 31].
Asbagh (teacher of Imam Bukhari and Ibn Maeen) from our scholars said: It is allowed to lick (the vagina) with tongue. Ibn Khaweez mandaad said: It is allowed for the husband and Master to see all parts of the body and outer part of the vagina rather than the inner part, same way for the wife it is allowed to see the private parts of the husband. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under Surah an-Nur verse 31]. .
- f) Halal Positions of sex.
al Qurtubi said:
هذه الأحاديث نصٌ في إباحة الحال والهيئات كلِّها إذا كان الوطء في موضع الحَرْث؛ أي كيف شئتم من خلفٍ ومَن قُدَّامٍ وباركةً ومستلقيةً ومضطجعةً؛
These ahadeeth are clear that it is allowed to (do sex) in ALL THE POSITIONS as far as it is in vagina, meaning in any position you want, whether from behind, from front, whether she is lying on back or front. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 2:223]
- g) Beautifying oneself for his wife.
al Qurtubi commented:
فأمر الله سبحانه بحسن صحبة النساء إذا عقدوا عليهنّ لتكون أْدْمَةُ ما بينهم وصحبتهم على الكمال، فإنه أهْدأُ للنفس وأَهْنَأ للعيش. وهذا واجب على الزوج ولا يلزمه في القَضَاء. وقال بعضهم: هو أن يتصَنّع لها كما تتصنَع له.
. قال يحيى بن عبدالرحمن الحنظلي: أتيت محمد بن الحنفية فخرج إلي في مِلْحَفَة حمراءَ ولِحيتُه تقطُر من الغَالِية، فقلت: ما هذا؟ قال: إن هذه المِلحفة ألقتها علي امرأتي ودهنْتني بالطِّيب، وإنهن يشتهين منا ما نشتهيه منهن، وقال ابن عباس رضي الله عنه: إني أحِب أن أتزينّ لامرأتي كما أحِب أن تتزينّ المرأة لي. وهذا داخل فيما ذكرناه.
Allah ordered to be good to women, when doing nikah with them, so that the relation remains the best. This is relaxing for the Nafs and the life becomes happier. and this is obligatory upon the husband and there is no blame [on him] in [adopting a] concession [or mutual agreement of compromise from his wife]. Some (scholars) said: “A Man should beautify himself for his wife, like his wife beautify herself for her husband”.
Yahya bin Abdul Rahman al Hanzala said: I went to Muhammad bin Hanafiya and he came out wearing a red shawl and his beard was full of fragrance, I asked him about it, he replied: this shawl is given to me by my wife and she wore me fragrance. They (the wives) desire same from us as we desire for them.
Ibn Abbas ra said: “I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me.”[The athar is in Sunan al Bayhaqi]. Whatever we have mentioned before is included in it. (end quote)