Mother in law going to daughter in law’s room without her consent.
Shaykh Muhammad bin Saleh Uthaymeen was asked:
جزاكم الله خيراً. في فقرتها الثانية تقول: شيخ محمد هل يجوز لأم الزوج أن تدخل غرفة الزوجة أي زوجة الولد في حال غيابها، وأن تأخذ منه أو من هذه الغرفة ما تشاء بحجة أن هذا هو مال ابنها؟
الشيخ: لا يحل لأم الزوج أن تدخل الغرفة الخاصة بزوجته؛ لأن هذه من الأسرار التي لا يحل للإنسان الإطلاع عليها. وإنني انصح أم هذا الزوج أن تتقي الله تعالى في نفسها. وأن لا تتسلط على هذه المسكينة الأسيرة؛لأن الزوجة مع الزوج كالأسير مع آسره؛ كما قال النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام: «اتقوا الله في النساء فإنهن عوان عندكم»، فعلى هذه الأم أن تتقي الله عز وجل في نفسها، وأن لا تؤذي هذه المرأة؛ فإن الله تعالى قال في كتابه العزيز: ﴿وَالَّذِينَ يُؤْذُونَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ بِغَيْرِ مَا اكْتَسَبُوا فَقَدِ احْتَمَلُوا بُهْتَاناً وَإِثْماً مُبِيناً﴾. وربما تكون أذيتها لهذه المرأة سبباً لفراق الزوج لها، فتكون بمنزلة السحرة الذين يتعلمون من السحر ما يفرقون به بين المرء وزوجه، ثم إنها في هذه الحال، أي في حال تسلطها على زوجة ابنها بغير حق تكون ظالمة، وللزوجة أن تدعو عليها؛ لقول النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لمعاذ بن جبل حين أرسله لليمن قال: «اتق دعوة المظلوم فإنه ليس بينها وبين الله حجاب». ولتعلم هذه الأم أنها إذا ظلمت ودعت المظلومة عليها فسيجب الله دعوتها ولو بعد حين. ربما لا يكون الدعاء مستجاب بسرعة لكن لابد من نصر المظلوم الذي لجأ إلى الله ولو بعد حين.
Can mother in law go to the room of her daughter in law when she is absent? And can she take whatever she wants from her room? And she says this is the property of my son.
It is not allowed for Mother in law to go to the special room of her daughter in law (when she is absent) because its her personal matter and spying is not allowed for her.
I advice this mother in law to fear Allah and do not dominate yourself over this miskeen captive. Wife is already with her husband like a captive as the Prophet peace be upon him said:
“Fear Allah regarding your women, for they are with you as captives (I.e. like innocent prisoners who get oppressed by guards, some translate this as “they are with you as helpers.”).
That is why the mother in law should fear Allah for herself and do not harm the daughter in law. Because Allah says
“As for those who hurt believing men and believing women without their having done anything (wrong), they shall bear the burden of slander and a manifest sin.” (al Ahzab verse 58).
Sometimes it happens that this torture is a reason of the separation between husband and wife, and in this situation the mother in law is like a witch as witches also works for separation between husband and wife and this is the same thing this mother in law is doing. And this is also a thing that if this mother in law is dominating her daughter in law and is oppressive, this poor daughter in law will supplicate against her, as the Prophet peace be upon him said to Muadh bin Jabal while sending him to Yemen:
“Be afraid, from the curse of the oppressed as there is no screen between his invocation and Allah.” (Sahih al Bukhari no. 1496)
That is why this mother in law should remember, if she oppress her daughter in law and this oppressed girl supplicates against her , then Allah will surely listen to her dua even if HE accepts it after sometime. Sometimes the supplication is answered late but when an oppressed comes toward Allah , Allah helps him even if the helps comes after sometimes.
(فتاوی نور علی الدرب للعثیمین : 2/ 24) translated from the wall of Hafiz Muhammad tahir
Hafiz Muhammad Tahir commented which summarized as following:
You will be amazed that 95% of the people will fit this fatwa on their mother in laws, but they will not fit this fatwa on their own mothers.
Because here every daughter in law says my mother in law has no right to talk about my personal matters, but my own mother have all rights to know about my sister in law’s personal matters and she must have control over every matter related to them.
So, this dual policy will end when you fit this fatwa on your own mother too, and let her know that as my mother in law have no right to have control over my personal affairs, likewise, it is not allowed for you to have control over the affairs of your son and daughter in law,
If this dual colors are not going to end, rather you complain about your mother in law only and do not talk about your own mother. Then this thing will remain same in future too. (Roughly translated from his wall)