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Etiquette of intimate relations

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Created on Saturday, 27 February 2016 21:13
Written by Asim ul Haq
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1. No shyness in asking the question regarding religion.
-Imam ad-Darami narrated
a) Abdul Mannan Raasikh said, which means:
 
2. Is it permissible for a man to look at other than the face and hands of the woman he wishes to propose to, such as looking at her hair, neck, shins, feet etc.
a) Ibn al Qayyim said:
b) Ibn Qudama al Hanbali said:
c) Shaykh al Albani said
 
3. Intimacy is the right of wife

4. In man's sexual Intercourse with his wife there is a Sadaqa. 
-Abu Dharr reported: That Prophet peace be upon him said
a) Ibn al Qayyim said:
b) Ibn Qudamah said:
c) Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
d) as-Suyuti said:
e) Shaykh al Albani said:

5. How Important is sexual intercourse?
a) Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim said:
 
6. Deliberately stopping yourself from nikah without any reason is not allowed.
a) Ibn al Jawzi on those sufis who stop themselves from getting married.

7. Rahbaniyat is not allowed.
-Prophet peace be upon him said
a) Al-Qaadhi Abu Bakr ibn Al-‘Arabi may Allaah have mercy upon him said: 

8. Make the wife chaste by loving her.
a) al Qurtubi said:
 
9. Giving the Wife her right to intimacy, and not leaving her until her desire has been satisfied. 
a) Imam Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
b) Al-Manaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
 
10. Seeing, touching, (Oral Sex) licking and kissing the private parts of the spouse.
-A'isha reported:
a) Imam Bukhari mentoned the above hadith under the chapter:
b) Ibn Hajr al Asqalani said:
c) Ibn Urwa Hanbali said:
d) Shaykh al Albani said 
e) Ibn ‘Aabideen said: 
f) Ibn Qudamah said
g) al Mardawi said:
h) al Mardawi said that al Qaadhi said:
i) al Qurtubi said:
j) al-Mawsuat al-Fiqhiya al-Kuwaitiya says
k) It says in Muwahib al Jaleel Sharah Mukhtasar al Khaleel

11. Sex Positions
-Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas
Narrated Jabir 
Abu Saaleh commented
Mujahid the student of Ibn Abbas.
al Qurtubi commented
Shaykh Mahmood Mehdi Istanbuli said
 
12. A man refusing to have intercourse with his wife.
-"and your wife has a right on you" 
a) Ibn Hajar wrote
b) Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him)
c) It says in al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah (30/127): 

13. Sexual Intercourse in Ramadan
a) Narrated Abu Huraira:
b) Al-Nawawi said 

14. Meaning of the statement of the Prophet peace be upon him "Why didn't you marry a young girl (Virgin) so that you may play with her and she with you?"
a) Ibn Hajr al asqalani commented
b) Imaam An-Nawawi may Allaah have mercy upon him said:
c) Islamweb states:

15. Beautify yourself for your wife, as they do.
-"And live with them honourably."
a) al Qurtubi commented:
b) al Alusi commented
 
16. Be nice, rather than an arrogant.
a) Prophet peace be upon him advised Ali ra.
b) Ibn Hajar al Asqalani said:
c) al Qurtubi said:

17. Rights of husband should be fulfilled.
-Prophet peace be upon him said:
a) Shaykh ‘Atiyyah Muhammad Saalim  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said 
b) Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said:
 
18. A wife should not be a boring kind of a wife, she may wear whatever clothes her husband wishes.
a) Ibn Qudaamah may Allaah have mercy upon him wrote.
 
19. Putting perfume for women after taking a Bath of menses.

20. Too Much Sex VS Playing, Cuddling, kissing etc

21. Misconception about Anal Sex

22. A weak hadith regarding sexual intercourse.

23. A Famous but weak hadith on foreplay but the meaning is saheeh.
 
1. No shyness in asking the question regarding religion.
Imam ad-Darami narrated
عن ابن سابط قال سألت حفصة بنت عبد الرحمن هو ابن أبي بكر قلت لها إني أريد أن أسألك عن شيء وأنا أستحيي أن أسألك عنه قالت سل يا ابن أخي عما بدا لك قال أسألك عن إتيان النساء في أدبارهن فقالت حدثتني أم سلمة قالت كانت الأنصار لا تجبي وكانت المهاجرون تجبي فتزوج رجل من المهاجرين امرأة من الأنصار فجباها فأبت الأنصارية فأتت أم سلمة فذكرت ذلك لها فلما أن جاء النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم استحيت الأنصارية وخرجت فذكرت ذلك أم [سلمة للنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال ادعوها لي فدعيت له فقال لها {نساؤكم حرث لكم فأتوا حرثكم أنى شئتم} سماما واحدا والسمام السبيل الواحد
From Ibn Saabit that he said: I asked Hafsa bint Abdul Rahman ibn Abu Bakr that I want to ask you something but i am shy, 
 
Hafsa said: O my nephew, ask anything. He said: I want to ask regarding intercourse with the wife from her back. 
 
She said: Umm Salmah narrated to me that Ansar would not (enjoy) their women by laying them on their faces, but Muhajireen would lay them on their faces, then a Muhajir married with a woman from Ansaar, He wanted her to lay down on her face but she refused. 
 
She came to Umm Salmah and mentioned this. When Prophet peace be upon him entered the Ansaari woman went out due to shyness, Umm Salmah mentioned to the Prophet peace be upon him regarding her case. He peace be upon him said: ask her to come, when she came He recited: "Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish" [2:223] Meaning one valve and valve is one way( i.e. only vagina). [Sunan ad-Darami 1159, Abdul Mannan Raasikh the Muhaqqiq of Sunan ad-Darami said: "Saheeh (see also ) Ahmad 6/305 and Tafseer at-Tabari 2/92"]
a) Abdul Mannan Raasikh said, which means:
i) There should be no shyness in asking any Shar`ee question, it is the way to destruction and ignorance if shyness is shown in it. 
ii) If someone is shy to ask this type of question then he should be encouraged rather than making fun. [end quote]
 
2. Is it permissible for a man to look at other than the face and hands of the woman he wishes to propose to, such as looking at her hair, neck, shins, feet etc.
a) Ibn al Qayyim said:
وقال داود: ينظر إلى سائر جسدها. وعن أحمد ثلاث روايات:
إحداهن: ينظر إلى وجهها ويديها.
والثانية: ينظر ما يظهر غالباً كالرقبة والساقين ونحوهما.
و الثالثة: ينظر إليها كلها عورة وغيرها، فإنه نص على أنه يجوز أن ينظر إليها متجردة ! "
Dawud said: Seeing all the parts of body is allowed, Three narrations are narrated from Ahmad:
First: That it is allowed to see the face and hands.
Second: It is allowed to see the parts which are generally open like the neck and shins.
Third: It is allowed to see full body whether it is awrah or not.. 
[Tahzeeb as-Sunan 3/25-26]
 
b) Ibn Qudama al Hanbali said:
ووجه جواز النظر ما يظهر غالبا ، أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لما أذن في النظر إليها من غير علمها ، علم أنه أذن في النظر إلى جميع ما يظهر عادة إذ لا يمكن إفراد الوجه بالنظر مع مشاركة غيره له في الظهور ; ولأنه يظهر غالبا ، فأبيح النظر إليه كالوجه . 
It is allowed to see the parts (of body) which are generally open because Prophet peace be upon him allowed to see the woman when she does not know. We came to know due to this that it is allowed to see the parts (of body) which are open generally and don't see the parts which are covered. [al Mughni 7/454]
 
c) Shaykh al Albani said
Question: Is it permissible for a man to look at other than the face and hands of the woman he wishes to propose to, such as looking at her hair and her neck?
.
Response:
That which is apparent to me, and Allaah knows best, is that this is permissible without a previous agreement. He (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said that which means:
((If anyone’s heart settles on proposing to a woman, then he can look at that which will lead him to marry her)),
As regards a previous agreement, then it is not permissible to look at more than the face and hands. [Fataawa Muhimmah li-Nisaa. al-Ummah – Page 138]
 
3. Intimacy is the right of wife.

The Prophet peace be upon him advised his companion who was praying and fasting, but he did not approached his wife.
 
a) Narrated `Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al `As:
My father got me married to a lady of a noble family, and often used to ask my wife about me, and she used to reply, "What a wonderful man he is! He never comes to my bed, nor has he approached me since he married me." When this state continued for a long period, my father told the story to the Prophet who said to my father, "Let me meet him." 
[Sahih al-Bukhari 5052]
 
b) Then the prophet peace be upon him advised him in detail, part of it states:
"your wife has a right over you." [Sahih al-Bukhari 5199]
 
c) Ibn Hajr al Asqalani said:
قال ابن بطال : لما ذكر في الباب قبله حق الزوج على الزوجة ذكر في هذا عكسه وأنه لا ينبغي له أن يجهد بنفسه في العبادة حتى يضعف عن القيام بحقها من جماع واكتساب 
Ibn Battaal said: The previous chapter (mentioned by al Bukhari)  was regarding the rights of Husband over his wife, Here He (al Bukhari) mentioned the rights of wife, that do not be tired due to Ibadah due to which the rights of your wife like sex and earning for living are not fulfilled.[Fath al Bari The book of Wedlock under the hadith 5199]

4. In man's sexual Intercourse with his wife there is a Sadaqa. 
Abu Dharr reported: That Prophet peace be upon him said
...in man's sexual Intercourse (with his wife, ) there is a Sadaqa. They (the Companions) said: Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us? He said: Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward. [Sahih Muslim 1006]
 
a) Ibn al Qayyim said:
قالوا وعليه أن يشبعها وطئا إذا أمكنه ذلك كما عليه أن يشبعها قوتا وكان شيخنا رحمه الله تعالى يرجح هذا القول ويختاره.
وقد حض النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم على استعمال هذا الدواء ورغب فيه وعلق عليه الأجر وجعله صدقة لفاعله فقال: "وفي بضع أحدكم صدقة" ومن تراجم النسائي على هذا الترغيب في المباضعة ثم ذكر هذا الحديث ففي هذا كمال اللذة وكمال الإحسان إلى الحبيبة وحصول الأجر وثواب الصدقة وفرح النفس وذهاب أفكارها الرديئة عنها وخفة الروح وذهاب كثافتها وغلظها وخفة الجسم واعتدال المزاج وجلب الصحة ودفع المواد الرديئة فإن صادف ذلك وجها حسنا وخلقا دمثا وعشقا وافرا ورغبة تامة واحتسابا للثواب فذلك اللذة التي لا يعادلها شيء ولا سيما إذا وافقت كمالها فإنها لا تكمل حتى يأخذ كل جزء من البدن بقسطه من اللذة فتلتذ العين بالنظر إلى المحبوب والأذن بسماع كلامه والأنف بشم رائحته والفم بتقبيله واليد بلمسه وتعتكف كل جارحة على ما تطلبه من لذتها وتقابله من المحبوب فإن فقد من ذلك شيء لم تزل النفس متطلعة إليه متقاضية له فلا تسكن كل السكون ولذلك تسمى المرأة سكنا لسكون النفس إلينا قال الله تعالى {وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجاً لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا} 
They said, It is obligatory upon him to satisfy her sexually/sexual needs if he is enable to do that, as it is obligatory upon him to satisfy her apetite/food needs, This is the Preponderant opinion according to my shaykh May Allah have mercy on him, and adopted this view.
 
Prophet peace be upon him himself advised and encouraged to use this treatment (Intercourse with wife), He considered it the basis of reward and sadaqah, He (peace be upon him) said "and in man's sexual intercourse (with his wife) there is a Sadaqah.".....
 
In it (sexual intercourse) there is complete pleasure and kindness to the beloved (wife), Basis of Ajr, reward, Sadaqah, happiness to the body, treatment to the false thoughts, It will lighten the soul and prevents the heaviness. The body feels light and mood becomes moderate, Health remains good and it cleanse the bad substances from the body. 
 
If it is done wholeheartedly, in a friendly and loving manner, with full desire and with the intention of reward only than one can get complete pleasure which no other thing can give. It can only be attained by doing it in a best way. The sign of it is, after doing it every part of the body feels calm, eyes feel cool by seeing the beloved (wife), and the ears feels happiness by listening to her soft and beautiful voice, Through her perfume and by touching her it feels good, and by kissing her the taste of mouth changes, likewise every part of the body feels good..
 
Because women (wives) are the cause of happiness of the heart that is why they are also called the reason to the happiness of the soul. Allah says "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them" [30:21] [روضة المحبين ونزهة المشتاقين by Ibn al Qayyim page 217]
 
b) Ibn Qudamah said:
Imam Ahmad was once asked whether the man was rewarded for having sex with his wife while he did not have any desire for sex. Ahmad replied affirmatively. [Islamweb]
 
c) Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
" ( وَفِي بُضْع أَحَدكُمْ صَدَقَة ) يُطْلَق عَلَى الْجِمَاع , وَيُطْلَق عَلَى الْفَرْج نَفْسه , وَكِلَاهُمَا تَصِحّ إِرَادَته هُنَا , وَفِي هَذَا دَلِيل عَلَى أَنَّ الْمُبَاحَات تَصِير طَاعَات بِالنِّيَّاتِ الصَّادِقَات , فَالْجِمَاع يَكُون عِبَادَة إِذَا نَوَى بِهِ قَضَاء حَقّ الزَّوْجَة وَمُعَاشَرَتَهَا بِالْمَعْرُوفِ الَّذِي أَمَرَ اللَّه تَعَالَى بِهِ , أَوْ طَلَبَ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ , أَوْ إِعْفَافَ نَفْسِهِ أَوْ إِعْفَاف الزَّوْجَة وَمَنْعَهُمَا جَمِيعًا مِنْ النَّظَر إِلَى حَرَام , أَوْ الْفِكْر فِيهِ , أَوْ الْهَمّ بِهِ , أَوْ غَيْر ذَلِكَ مِنْ الْمَقَاصِد الصَّالِحَة " انتهى .
 
“The phrase, ‘Having intercourse is a charity’ – the word bud’ (translated here as ‘having intercourse’) may mean intercourse, or it may refer to the private part itself…
 
This indicates that permissible actions may become acts of worship, if there is a sincere intention. Intercourse may be an act of worship if the intention behind it is to fulfil the rights of one's wife, to treat her kindly as enjoined by Allaah, to seek a righteous child, to keep oneself or one’s wife chaste, to prevent both partners from looking towards or thinking of haraam things, and other good intentions. ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if one of us fulfils his desire, is there reward in that?’”(Sharh Muslim, 7/92 Islamqa)

d) as-Suyuti said
"وظاهر الحديث أن الوطء صدقة وإن لم ينو شيئا".
It is apparent from this hadith that sexual intercourse is Sadaqah, even if there is no intention of it. [Idhkaar al adhkaar by as-Suyuti, taken from Adaab az-Zaffaf by al Albani 1/138]

e) Shaykh al Albani said
قلت: لعل هذا عند كل وقاع وإلا فالذي أراه أنه لا بد من النية عند عقده عليها .
I Say: maybe (intention) is not important all the times but it is important at the time of Nikah [Ibid]
 
5. How Important is sexual intercourse?

a) Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim said:
وأما الجماع والباه ، فكان هديه فيه أكمل هدي ، يحفظ به الصحة ، وتتم به اللذة وسرور النفس ، ويحصل به مقاصده التي وضع لأجلها ، فإن الجماع وضع في الأصل لثلاثة أمور هي مقاصده الأصلية : 
 
أحدها : حفظ النسل ، ودوام النوع إلى أن تتكامل العدة التي قدر الله بروزها إلى هذا العالم . 
 
الثاني : إخراج الماء الذي يضر احتباسه واحتقانه بجملة البدن . 
 
الثالث : قضاء الوطر ، ونيل اللذة ، والتمتع بالنعمة ، وهذه وحدها هي الفائدة التي في الجنة ، إذ لا تناسل هناك ، ولا احتقان يستفرغه الإنزال . 
 
وفضلاء الأطباء يرون أن الجماع من أحد أسباب حفظ الصحة .
 
“Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfil the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:
 
The preservation and propagation of the human race, until they reach the number of souls that Allaah has decreed should be created in this world.
 
Expulsion of the water (semen) which may cause harm to the body if it is retained.
 
Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no producing of offspring there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation.
 
The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health. [Zaad al-Ma’aad 3/307, Islamqa]
 
6. Deliberately stopping from nikah without any reason is not allowed.extreme sufis is not allowed.
a) Ibn al Jawzi on those sufis who stop themselves from getting married.
 
He said:
واعلم انه اذا دام ترك النكاح على شبان الصوفية أخرجهم إلى ثلاثة أنواع النوع الأول المرض بحبس الماء فان المرء إذا طال احتقانه تصاعد إلى الدماغ منه منيه قال أبو بكر محمد بن زكريا الرازي أعرف قوما كانوا كثيري المنى فلما منعوا أنفسهم من الجماع لضرب من التفلسف بردت أبدانهم وعسرت حركاتهم ووقعت عليهم الكآبة بلا سبب وعرضت لهم أعراض الماليخوليا وقلت شهواتهم وهضمهم قال ورأيت رجلا ترك الجماع ففقد شهوة الطعام وصار أن أكل القليل لم يستمره وتقايأه فلما عاد إلى عادته من الجماع سكنت عنه هذه الأعراض سريعا 
النوع الثاني الفرار إلى المتروك فان منهم خلقا كثيرا صابروا على ترك الجماع فاجتمع الماء فأقلقوا جعوا فلامسوا النساء ولابسوا من الدنيا أضعاف ما فروا منه فكانوا كمن أطال الجوع ثم أكل ما ترك في زمن الصبر النوع الثالث الإنحراف إلى صحبة الصبيان فان قوما منهم أيسوا أنفسهم من النكاح فأقلقهم ما اجتمع عندهم فصاروا يرتاحون إلى صحبة المرد 
 
Know that there are three types of sufis who stop themselves from getting married.
 
First type:
They become patients because of stopping the sperm from coming out, when the sperm can't come out for a long time, its poisonous effect goes up to the brain. 
Abu Bakr Muhammad bin Zakariya al Razi said: I know a people who had great power but when they were overpowered by philosophy and stopped themselves from sex (with wives)... then they had sickness of Melancholy..
 
Second type: 
The thing which they avoid, in the end they do the same thing, a group of sufis stopped themselves from sex, the sperm started to gather in them and it wanted to come out and they became restless, and they indulge in (all the wrong things) of the world. 
 
Third type:
Some of them are involved in boys... [Tilbees Iblees 1/360-361]
 
7. Rahbaniyat is not allowed.
Prophet peace be upon him said
"..if anyone of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife (and have intercourse with her), for that will repel what he feels in his heart.”
 
a) Al-Qaadhi Abu Bakr ibn Al-‘Arabi may Allaah have mercy upon him said: 
"In this Hadeeth, there is an answer to the Sufis who believe that a man should kill his desire to a point that a woman for them is just like a wall that they hit against; indeed, monasticism is not a part of this religion.” [End of quote Islamweb]
 
8. Make the wife chaste by loving her.
a) al Qurtubi said:
ثم عليه أن يَتَوخّى أوقات حاجتها إلى الرجل فيُعِفّها ويُغنيها عن التطلع إلى غيره. وإن رأى الرجُل من نفسه عجزا عن إقامة حقها في مضجعها أخذ من الأدْوِيّة التي تزيد في باهِه وتُقوّي شهوته حتى يُعفّها.
He (The husband) should foresee the time of the woman's need, And make her chaste and don't give her opportunity to attract toward others (by satisfying her needs), And if he see that he is not satisfying her rights in bed than he should take medicine to increase his strength of desire until he become chaste. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under surah al Baqarah verse 228]
 
9. Giving the Wife her right to intimacy, and not leaving her until her desire has been satisfied. 
 
a) Imam Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
: " ويستحب أن يلاعِب امرأته قبل الجماع ؛ لتنهض شهوتُها ، فتنال من لذة الجماع مثل ما ناله ، وقد روي عن عمر بن عبد العزيز عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال : ( لا تواقعها إلا وقد أتاها من الشهوة مثل ما أتاك لكيلا تسبقها بالفراغ ، قلت : وذلك إليَّ ؟ نعم إنك تقبِّلها ، وتغمزها ، وتلمزها ، فإذا رأيتَ أنه قد جاءها مثل ما جاءك : واقعتها ) .
فإن فرغ قبلَها : كُره له النزع حتى تفرغ ؛ لما روى أنس بن مالك قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم : ( إذا جامع الرجل أهله فليصدُقها ، ثم إذا قضى حاجته : فلا يَعجلها حتى تقضي حاجتها ) ؛ ولأن في ذلك ضرراً عليها ؛ ومنعاً لها من قضاء شهوتها "
It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before having intercourse and to arouse her desire, so that she will get the same enjoyment from intercourse as he does. It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said: “Do not have intercourse until she is as aroused as you are, so that you will not reach climax before she does.” I [the narrator] said: Are you telling me that? He said: Yes, you kiss her, touch her and embrace her, and when you see that she is as aroused as you are, then have intercourse with her. 
 
If he reaches climax before her, it is makrooh (disliked) for him to stop until she has also reached climax, because of the report narrated by Anas ibn Maalik who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When a man has intercourse with his wife, let him do it wholeheartedly, then when he has fulfilled his desire, he should not rush her until she has fulfilled her desire.” And because that is harmful to her and prevents him from fulfilling her desire. [Al-Mughni, 8/136]

Note sh Saalih al Munajjid mentioned both of these ahadith are weak but the meaning is sahih.
 
b) Al-Manaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
: " ( إذا جامع أحدكم أهله ) أي : حليلته ، قال الراغب : وأهل الرجل في الأصل [ من ] يجمعه وإياهم سكن ؛ ثم عبر به عن امرأته .
( فليصدقها ) بفتح المثناة وسكون المهملة وضم الدال ، من الصدق في الود والنصح ، أي : فليجامعها بشدة ، وقوة ، وحُسن فعل جماع ، ووداد ، ونصح ، ندباً .
( فإن سبقها ) في الإنزال وهي ذات شهوة :
) فلا يعجلها ) أي : فلا يحملها على أن تعجل فلا تقضي شهوتها ، بل يمهلها حتى تقضي وطرها كما قضى وطره ، فلا يتنحى عنها حتى يتبين له منها قضاء أربها ؛ فإن ذلك من حسن المعاشرة ، والإعفاف ، والمعاملة بمكارم الأخلاق والألطاف .
ويؤخذ من هذا الحديث وما بعده : أن الرجل إذا كان سريع الإنزال بحيث لا يتمكن معه من إمهال زوجته حتى تنزل : أنه يُندب له التداوي بما يبطئ الإنزال ؛ فإنه وسيلة إلى مندوب ، وللوسائل حكم المقاصد " 
When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him do it wholeheartedly, meaning that he should do it in a loving and way, and do it properly. 
 
If he reaches climax first, when she is aroused, he should not make her rush to reach climax; rather he should give her time until she reaches climax as he did. So he should not leave her until he is certain that she reached her climax. That is part of kind treatment, keeping her chaste and good manners. 
 
From this hadeeth and the following one it may be understood that if the man is quick to reach climax and cannot wait until his wife reaches climax, then it is recommended for him to seek treatment that will help him to delay reaching climax.
 
End quote from Fayd al-Qadeer, 1/325 [Islamqa]

Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
المرأة التي قعد لها يريد جماعها وأخذوا منه أنه يسن مؤكدا تقديم المداعبة والتقبيل ومص اللسان على الجماع وكرهوا خلافه
“Foreplay, kissing and sucking the tongue before sexual intercourse is a sunnah muakadah, and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/90, Shamela See: Hadith no. 6536)
 
10. Seeing and touching (Oral Sex) the private parts of the spouse.
A'isha reported:
The Prophet (ﷺ) and I used to take a bath from a single pot called 'Faraq'.
[Sahih al Bukhari no. 250]
 
a) Imam Bukhari mentoned the above hadith under the chapter: Chapter: Taking a bath by a man along with his wife
b) Ibn Hajr al Asqalani said:
واستدل به الداودي على جواز نظر الرجل إلى عورة امرأته وعكسه ويؤيده ما رواه ابن حبان من طريق سليمان بن موسى أنه سئل عن الرجل ينظر إلى فرج امرأته فقال سألت عطاء فقال سألت عائشة فذكرت هذا الحديث بمعناه وهو نص في المسألة . والله أعلم . 
ad-Daoodi took evidence from this hadith that a Man can see the private parts of his wife.. which is supported by the narration narrated by Ibn Hibban with the rout of Suleman bin Musa, who was asked regarding a Man who see the private parts of his wife, he said: I asked Ata and he said: I asked Aisha and she narrated this hadith.. this is clear text in this issue. Allah knows best. [Fath al Bari 1/290 under the hadith no. 250]
 
c) Ibn Urwa Hanbali said:
"ومباح لكل واحد من الزوجين النظر إلى جميع بدن صاحبه ولمسه حتى الفرج لهذا الحديث ولأن الفرج يحل له الاستمتاع به فجاز النظر إليه ولمسه كبقية البدن".
It is allowed for Husband and wife to see all the parts of the body of each other, and to touch it even the vagina according to this hadith, because vagina is the thing which he enjoy, so it is allowed to see it and touch it like other parts of the body. [al Kawakib ad-Durari fi Tabweeb Musnad al Imam Ahmad al Abwaab al Bukhari by Ibn Urwa Hanbali 1/29/575]
 
d) Shaykh al Albani said after quoting this
وهذا مذهب مالك وغيره
This is the madhab of Maalik and others. [Adaab az-Zufaaf fil Sunnah al Mutahira 1/111]
 
e) Ibn ‘Aabideen said: 
، وعن أبي يوسف سألت أبا حنيفة عن الرجل يمس فرج امرأته ، وهي تمس فرجه ليتحرك عليها هل ترى بذلك بأسا قال : لا وأرجو أن يعظم الأجر ذخيرة 
Abu Yoosuf asked Abu Haneefah about a man who touches his wife’s private part and she touches his to stimulate arousal – did he see anything wrong with that? He said: No, and I hope that the reward will be greater. [Radd al-Muhtaar, 6/367, translation Islamqa]
 
f) Ibn Qudamah said
ويستحب أن يلاعب امرأته قبل الجماع لتنهض شهوتها فتنال من لذة الجماع مثل ما ناله 
It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before having intercourse and to arouse her desire, so that she will get the same enjoyment from intercourse as he does. [al Mughni 8/136]
 
Then he said:
فإن فرغ قبلَها : كُره له النزع حتى تفرغ .. ولأن في ذلك ضرراً عليها ؛ ومنعاً لها من قضاء شهوتها 
If he reaches climax before her, it is makrooh (disliked) for him to stop until she has also reached climax, .. And because that is harmful to her and prevents him from fulfilling her desire. [Ibid]
 
g) al Mardawi said:
( ولكل واحد من الزوجين النظر إلى جميع بدن الآخر . ولمسه من غير كراهة ) . هذا المذهب مطلقا ، حتى الفرج . وعليه جماهير الأصحاب . ونص عليه . وجزم به في الهداية ، والمذهب ، والخلاصة ، والمحرر ، والنظم ، والحاوي الصغير ، والوجيز ، والمنور ، وغيرهم .
{Both the husband and wife can see full body to the end, and touch it without any disliking} This is the Mutlaq Madhab, even the vagina, and majority of our companions have same opinion and it has clear texts. al Hidayah, al Muhazab, al Khalasah, al Muharrar, al Nazm, al Hawi al Sagheer, al Wajeez, al Munawwar and others mentioned it with certainity.
[al Insaaf, Kitab an-Nikah]
 
h) al Mardawi said:
قال القاضي في الجامع : يجوز تقبيل فرج المرأة قبل الجماع ، ويكره بعده . وذكره عن عطاء . الثانية : ليس لها استدخال ذكر زوجها وهو نائم بلا إذنه . ولها لمسه وتقبيله بشهوة . وجزم به في الرعاية . وتبعه في الفروع . وصرح به ابن عقيل . وقال : لأن الزوج يملك العقد وحبسها . ذكراه في عشرة النساء . ومر بي في بعض التعاليق قول : إن لها ذلك . ولم أستحضر الآن في أي كتاب هو .

Qaadhi said in al Jaam`e: It is allowed to kiss the vagina of the wife before the sexual intercourse. disliked after that, and he mentioned it from Ata.

The second thing. It is not permissible for a wife to insert the private part of her husband while he is sleeping without his permission. It is permissible for her to hold and kiss it with desire. And (ibn Hamdan) stated that with certainity in his book Ar-Ri'ayah, and Ibn Muflih followed that in his book Al-Furoo'. And Ibn Aqeel stated that explicitly and said, It is because the husband owns contract and confining of her. And both have mentioned that in 'Ashrat an Nisaa, And (i've read) in some footnotes, It is permissible for her, But i cannot recall now in which book it is. [al Insaaf, Kitab an-Nikah]

i) al Qurtubi said:
اختلف الناس في جواز نظر الرجل إلى فرج المرأة ؛ على قولين : أحدهما : يجوز ؛ لأنه إذا جاز له التلذذ به فالنظر أولى . وقيل : لا يجوز ؛ لقول عائشة - رضي الله عنها - في ذكر حالها مع رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - : ما رأيت ذلك منه ولا رأى ذلك مني والأول أصح ، وهذا محمول على الأدب ؛ قاله ابن العربي . وقد قال أصبغ من علمائنا : يجوز له أن يلحسه بلسانه . وقال ابن خويز منداد : أما الزوج والسيد فيجوز له أن ينظر إلى سائر الجسد وظاهر الفرج دون باطنه . وكذلك المرأة يجوز أن تنظر إلى عورة زوجها .
There is difference of opinion on whether a man may see the vagina of his wife, there are two sayings in this regard.
 
First: It is allowed because when it is allowed to take pleasure from it, then seeing it is more allowed. 
 
(second) It is said: it is not allowed due to the hadith of Aisha ra "“I never looked at his private part and he never looked at mine.' ”[This hadith with these words are not found in any book with authentic chain of narrators, see Silsilah ad-Daeefa 195 and 196 and Adaab az-Zaffaf al Albani]
 
The first opinion is saheeh and this (weak or fabricated hadith) is based on Adab as said by Ibn al Arabi [in Ahkam al Qur`an under Surah an-Nur verse 31]. 
 
Asbagh (teacher of Imam Bukhari and Ibn Maeen) from our scholars said: It is allowed to lick (the vagina) with tongue. Ibn Khaweez mandaad said: It is allowed for the husband and Master to see all parts of the body and outer part of the vagina rather than the inner part, same way for the wife it is allowed to see the private parts of the husband. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under Surah an-Nur verse 31]. 

j) al-Mawsuat al-Fiqhiya al-Kuwaitiya says
اتّفق الفقهاء على أنّه يجوز للزّوج مسّ فرج زوجته .
قال ابن عابدين : سأل أبو يوسف أبا حنيفة عن الرّجل يمسّ فرج امرأته وهي تمسّ فرجه ليتحرّك عليها هل ترى بذلك بأساً قال : لا ، وأرجو أن يعظم الأجر .
وقال الحطّاب : قد روي عن مالك أنّه قال لا بأس أن ينظر إلى الفرج في حال الجماع ، وزاد في رواية ويلحسه بلسانه ، وهو مبالغة في الإباحة ، وليس كذلك على ظاهره .
وقال الفنانيّ من الشّافعيّة : يجوز للزّوج كلّ تمتّع منها بما سوى حلقة دبرها ، ولو بمصّ بظرها .
وصرّح الحنابلة بجواز تقبيل الفرج قبل الجماع ، وكراهته بعده .
Fuqaha are agreed upon, that it is allowed for husband to touch the vagina of the wife,
 
[Hanafi Madhab] Ibn Abideen said: Abu Yoosuf asked Abu Haneefah about a man who touches his wife’s private part and she touches his to stimulate arousal – did he see anything wrong with that? He said: No, and I hope that the reward will be greater. [Hashiya Ibn Abideen 5/234]
 
[Maaliki Madhab] al Hattaab said: It is narrated from Maalik that he said: There is no harm in seeing the vagina while sexual intercourse. Another narration says: And to lick it with the tongue. This  is Mubaligha that it is allowed.. [Muwahib al Jaleel 3/406, Al Kharshi ala Mukhtasar al Khaleel 3/166]
 
[Shafiee Madhab] al Fanani among the Shafiees said: It is allowed for husband to enjoy all.. even sucking the clitoris. [إعانة الطالبين 3/340]
 
[Hanbali Madhab] Hanabilah clearly mentioned the jawaz of kissing the vagina before the sexual intercourse, and disliked after the intercourse. [Kashf al-qina 5/16,17]
 
 [al-Mawsuat al-Fiqhiya al-Kuwaitiya 32/90]

k) It says in Muwahib al Jaleel Sharah Mukhtasar al Khaleel
قال أصبغ من كره النظر إلى الفرج إنما كره بالطب لا بالعلم ولا بأس به وليس بمكروه ، قال القباب في باب نظر الرجال إلى النساء : مسألة إذا كانت المرأة يحل للرجل وطؤها فلا كلام إلا في نظره إلى فرجها فإنه موضع خلاف أجازته المالكية ، وقيل : لأصبغ إن قوما يذكرون كراهته فقال من كرهه إنما كرهه بالطب لا بالعلم ولا بأس به وليس بمكروه ، وقد روي عن مالك أنه قال : لا بأس أن ينظر إلى الفرج في حال الجماع وزاد في رواية : ويلحسه بلسانه ، وهو مبالغة في الإباحة وليس كذلك على ظاهره ، قال القاضي أبو الوليد بن رشد : أكثر العوام يعتقدون أنه لا يجوز أن ينظر الرجل إلى فرج امرأته في حال من الأحوال ولقد سألني عن ذلك بعضهم واستغرب أن يكون ذلك جائزا ومثل ذلك مذهب الحنفية ، وللشافعية قولان : الإباحة والمنع ،
Asbagh (teacher of Bukhari and Ibn Maeen) said: the disliking of seeing the vagina is in tibb, not in knowledge, there is no harm in it and it is not disliked. 
 
Al Qubbaab said: In the chapter of seeing of Men towards Women: Mas`ala,... There is difference of opinion in seeing the vagina of wife, Maalikis say it is allowed. It was said to Asbagh that a group says it is disliked. He said: It is disliked in Tibb not in knowledge, there is no harm in it neither it is disliked. It is narrated from Maalik that he said: There is no harm in seeing the vagina while doing sexual intercourse, another narration states: And to lick it with the tongue...
 
Qaadhi Abu Waleed bin Rushd said: Many of the lay people think that it is disliked for a man to see the vagina of the wife.. some of them have asked me regarding this and they were surprised that it is allowed. This is also the Madhab of Hanafiya and Shafiees have two sayings: That it is allowed and that it is not allowed. [Muwahib al Jaleel Sharah Mukhtasar al Khaleel 3/406]
 
11. Sex Positions.
 
Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were idolaters, lived in the company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. They (the Ansar) accepted their superiority over themselves in respect of knowledge, and they followed most of their actions. The people of the Book (i.e. the Jews) used to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e. lying on their backs). This was the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women. This clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of the Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.
 
When the muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her, but she disliked it, and said to him: We were approached on one side (i.e. lying on the back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. This matter of theirs spread widely, and it reached the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).
 
So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e. from in front, from behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the place of the delivery of the child, i.e. the vagina.[Sunan Abi Dawud 2164]

In another narration of Jabir ibn Abdullah
قائما وقاعدا ومضجعا , بعد أن يكون فى صمام واحد ".
"Standing, Sitting, lying down but it should be through one opening (vagina)." [Authenticated by al Albani in al Irwa al Ghaleel 7/62]

Ibn Abi Shayba narrated from Abu Saaleh that he said:
حدثنا مروان بن معاوية عن إسماعيل عن أبي صالح ، نساؤكم حرث لكم فأتوا حرثكم أنى شئتم قال : إن شئت فأتها مستلقية ، وإن شئت فمتحركة ، وإن شئت فباركة .
Abu Saleh said: "Your wives are a tilth for your, so go to your tilth when or how you will" Go to her when she is lying on the back.. go to her while she is kneeling down (on hands and knees) [Ibn Abi Shayba, Durr Munthur under 2:223]

Mujahid the student of Ibn Abbas said:
 ثم تلا نساؤكم حرث لكم فأتوا حرثكم أنى شئتم قائمة وقاعدة ومقبلة ومدبرة في الفرج
He (Mujahid) recited 2 : 223 meaning (you can have sex while) standing, sitting, from front, from behind but in vagina. [Sunan ad-Darami no. 1175 authenticated by Abdul Mannan Rasikh]

al Qurtubi said:
هذه الأحاديث نصٌ في إباحة الحال والهيئات كلِّها إذا كان الوطء في موضع الحَرْث؛ أي كيف شئتم من خلفٍ ومَن قُدَّامٍ وباركةً ومستلقيةً ومضطجعةً؛
These ahadeeth are clear that it is allowed to (do sex) in ALL THE POSITIONS as far as it is in vagina, meaning in any position you want, whether from behind, from front, whether she is lying on back or front. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 2:223]

Shaykh Mahmood Mehdi Istanbuli said:
"Husband and wife should inform each other about their favorite position..
One of the doctor said: Some of the wives complaint about their (fat) husbands, that sometimes we feel that we will be crushed under the weight of our husbands. Sometimes we could not even breath. Every time in sex they go through this painful dream... The reason of that is the husband thinks, it is the only position allowed in Shar`a. He don't even know that he can also put his weight on his arms, Is it necessary to put his weight on the wife? So if the Husband is fat, so he should lay down and the wife can be over him, there is nothing wrong in it." [Tuhfatul Uroos page 99]
 
12. A man refusing to have intercourse with his wife.
-When Abdullah bin Amr bin al Aas ra started offering prayers all night and fasting during the day, Prophet peace be upon him advised him, one of it is 
"and your wife has a right on you" (Bukhari Book #31, Hadith #196)
 
a) Ibn Hajar wrote, which roughly means
، وقد يأتي لفظ المفاعلة ويراد بها نفس الفعل ولا يتجه عليها اللوم إلا إذا بدأت هي بالهجر فغضب هو لذلك أو هجرها وهي ظالمة فلم تستنصل من ذنبها وهجرته ، أما لو بدا هـو بهجرها ظالما لها فلا ،
... But if he is the one who started it (deserting), and is thus treating her unfairly, then she is not to blame... [Fath al Bari the commentary of the hadith 5193]
 
b) Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a man who does not have intercourse with his wife for one or two months; is there any sin on him or not? Is the husband required to do that? 
 
He replied: 
The man should have intercourse with his wife according to what is reasonable. It is the most important right that she has over him and is more important than providing her with food. It was said that obligatory intercourse is once every four months, or whatever is in accordance with her need and his ability, just as he should feed her according to her need and what he can afford. This is the more correct of the two scholarly opinions. [Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/271]
 
c) It says in al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah (30/127): 
One of the rights of the wife over her husband is that he should keep her chaste by having intercourse with her. The majority of fuqaha’ – Hanafis, Maalikis and Hanbalis – are of the view that it is obligatory for the husband to have intercourse with his wife. End quote. [Islamqa]
 
13. Sexual Intercourse in Ramadan
 
a) Narrated Abu Huraira:
Sexual Intercourse in Ramadan.
 
a) Narrated Abu Huraira:
While we were sitting with the Prophet (peace be ipon him) a man came and said, "O Allah's Messenger  (peace be ipon him) ! I have been ruined." Allah's Messenger  (peace be ipon him)  asked what was the matter with him. He replied "I had sexual intercourse with my wife while I was fasting." Allah's Messenger (peace be ipon him)  asked him, "Can you afford to manumit a slave?" He replied in the negative. Allah's Messenger  (peace be ipon him)  asked him, "Can you fast for two successive months?" He replied in the negative. The Prophet  (peace be ipon him)  asked him, "Can you afford to feed sixty poor persons?" He replied in the negative. The Prophet (peace be upon him) kept silent and while we were in that state, a big basket full of dates was brought to the Prophet  (peace be ipon him) . He asked, "Where is the questioner?" He replied, "I (am here)." The Prophet  (peace be ipon him)  said (to him), "Take this (basket of dates) and give it in charity." The man said, "Should I give it to a person poorer than I? By Allah; there is no family between its (i.e. Medina's) two mountains who are poorer than I." The Prophet  (peace be ipon him) smiled till his premolar teeth became visible and then said, 'Feed your family with it."
[Sahih al-Bukhari 1936]
 
b) Al-Nawawi, said in al-Majmoo’ (6/348): 
If a person has intercourse before dawn then he withdraws when dawn comes or straight after it comes, then ejaculates, that does not invalidate his fast, because it came as the result of permissible intimacy, so he does not have to do anything. The same applies if a man’s hand is cut off in a case of hadd punishment and he dies as a result (i.e., no one is responsible for his death). End quote. [Islamqa]
 
14. Meaning of the statement of the Prophet peace be upon him "Why didn't you marry a young girl (Virgin) so that you may play with her and she with you?"
 
a) Ibn Hajr al asqalani commented
وفيه إشارة إلى مص لسانها ورشف شفتيها ، وذلك يقع عند الملاعبة والتقبيل ، وليس هو ببعيد كما قال القرطبي ،
"It refers to sucking her tongue and lips, and this happens when playing with one's wife and kissing her, so this meaning is very possible as al Qurtubi mentioned". [Fath al Bari, Kitab an Nikah under the hadith 5079-5080]
 
b) Imaam An-Nawawi may Allaah have mercy upon him said: 
قال : وقد حمل جمهور المتكلمين في شرح هذا الحديث قوله صلى الله عليه وسلم : ( تلاعبها ) على اللعب المعروف ويؤيده " تضاحكها وتضاحكك " 
''He (Qaadi) said: Majority of the theologians explained the Prophetic expression by the usual play, and this view is supported by the expression ''…so that you may laugh with her and she may laugh with you''. [Sharah Saheeh Muslim End of quote].
 
c) Islamweb states:
"Therefore, what is meant by playing, is joking and laughing with each other and being kind to each other, and this may include some foreplay."
 
15. Beautify yourself for your wife, as they do.
 "And live with them honourably." [an-Nisa’ 4:19]. 

Ibn Abbas ra said:
إنِّي لأحبُّ أن أتزيَّنَ للمرأةِ كما أحبُّ أن تتزيَّنَ ليَ المرأةُ ، لأنَّ اللَّهَ يقول : وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
 
"I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me." Allah says: "And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable." [Ahmad Shakir said: The chain is Authentic in Umda tul Tafsir an Hafid Ibn Kathir 1/277]
a) al Qurtubi commented:
فأمر الله سبحانه بحسن صحبة النساء إذا عقدوا عليهنّ لتكون أْدْمَةُ ما بينهم وصحبتهم على الكمال، فإنه أهْدأُ للنفس وأَهْنَأ للعيش. وهذا واجب على الزوج ولا يلزمه في القَضَاء. وقال بعضهم: هو أن يتصَنّع لها كما تتصنَع له.
. قال يحيى بن عبدالرحمن الحنظلي: أتيت محمد بن الحنفية فخرج إلي في مِلْحَفَة حمراءَ ولِحيتُه تقطُر من الغَالِية، فقلت: ما هذا؟ قال: إن هذه المِلحفة ألقتها علي امرأتي ودهنْتني بالطِّيب، وإنهن يشتهين منا ما نشتهيه منهن، وقال ابن عباس رضي الله عنه: إني أحِب أن أتزينّ لامرأتي كما أحِب أن تتزينّ المرأة لي. وهذا داخل فيما ذكرناه.
 
Allah ordered to be good to women, when doing nikah with them so that the relation remains the best. This is relaxing for the Nafs and the life becomes happier. and this is obligatory upon the husband and there is no blame [on him] in [adopting a] concession [or mutual agreement of compromise from his wife]. Some (scholars) said: "A Man should beautify himself for his wife, like his wife beautify herself for her husband".
 
Yahya bin Abdul Rahman al Hanzala said: I went to Muhammad bin Hanafiya and he came out wearing a red shawl and his beard was full of fragrance, I asked him about it, he replied: this shawl is given to me by my wife and she wore me fragrance. They (the wives) desire same from us as we desire for them.
 
Ibn Abbas ra said: "I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me."[The athar is in Sunan al Bayhaqi]. Whatever we have mentioned before is included in it. (end quote)
 
b) al Alusi commented
{ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ } أي خالقوهن { بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ } وهو ما لا ينكره الشرع والمروءة، والمراد هٱهنا النصفة في القسم والنفقة، والإجمال في القول والفعل.
{And live with them}, means having good conduct with them, and {in kindness.} refers to what is not known to be reprehensible in the Sharee'ah or by common virtue. What is meant here is to be just with them in terms of spending the night with them, providing for them, and treating them in a good manner in deed and word.” [End of quote Ruh al Ma`ani islamweb]
 
16. Be nice, rather than an arrogant.
a) Prophet peace be upon him advised Ali ra in the following way.
 
at-Tabrani narrated 
خَطَبَ عَلِيٌّ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَاطِمَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهَا ، فَقَالَ : " هِي لَكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُحْسِنَ صُحْبَتَهَا " .
When Ali ra asked the hand of Fatima ra from Prophet peace be upon him for marriage, He (peace be upon him) said: "She is yours if you live with her in a best way". [al Mu`ajam al Kabeer Tabrani 3570, Silsilah as-Saheeha no. 166]
 
b) Ibn Hajar al Asqalani said:
ومحصل المنقول عن مالك إنكار القيام ما دام الذي يقام لأجله لم يجلس ولو كان في شغل نفسه فإنه سئل عن المرأة تبالغ في إكرام زوجها فتتلقاه وتنزع ثيابه وتقف حتى يجلس فقال أما التلقي فلا بأس به وأما القيام حتى يجلس فلا فإن هذا فعل الجبابرة ، وقد أنكره عمر بن عبد العزيز . 
... (Imam Maalik) was asked about a woman who respects her husband and welcomes him while standing, take off his clothes (like jacket, coat etc) and do not sit until he sit down. (what do you say about it?) He (Maalik) replied: There is no harm in welcoming while standing but then remain standing until he sit is not good as this is the act of arrogant powerful kings. (i.e. the husband who likes her wife to stand is the act of arrogant people), Umar bin Abdul Aziz also negated this act. [Fath al Bari 11/41 hadith no. 6262, Irshad al Saree 9/153]

c) al Qurtubi said:
قوله تعالى: { إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراً } إشارة إلى الأزواج بخفض الجناح ولِين الجانب؛ أي إن كنتم تقدِرون عليهن فتذكّروا قدرة الله؛ فيَدهُ بالقدرة فوق كل يد. فلا يَستعلي أحد على ٱمرأته فالله بالمرصاد؛ فلذلك حسن الاتصاف هنا بالعلوّ والكبر.
Allah says {For Allah is Most High, great (above you all)}, This is pointing towards the husbands that they should be soft and be humble in the behavior, That if you have (more) power then remember the Power of Allah, his hand of power is above all hands. So, no one should seek dominance over his wife, as Allah is watching everything. It is good to mention the attributes of al Uluw and Kibr here. [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 4:34]
 
17. Rights of husband should be fulfilled.
Prophet peace be upon him said: “If I were to order someone to fall prostrate before anyone other than Allaah, I would have ordered women to prostrate themselves before their husbands because of the great right that Allaah has made due to them from their wives.”
 
a) Shaykh ‘Atiyyah Muhammad Saalim  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said in his commentary on Buloogh Al-Maraam: “Likewise, the wife has rights with respect to her husband and he is obliged to fulfill her rights; in fact, the husband ought to fulfill her rights first and demand his rights second.” [End of quote]
 
b) Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said: “In brief, these words that were mentioned in the Hadeeth are general, but they are restricted to the husband fulfilling his wife’s rights. If he does not fulfill her rights, then she is entitled to demand her rights and deny his rights in the same manner that he denies her rights; Allaah says (what means): {So whoever has assaulted you, then assault him in the same way that he has assaulted you.} [Quran 2:194] Allaah says (what means): {And if you punish [an enemy, O believers], punish with an equivalent of that with which you were harmed.} [Quran 16:126]” [End of quote] [Taken from Islamweb]
 
18. A wife should not be a boring kind of a wife, she may wear whatever clothes her husband wishes.
Ibn Qudaamah may Allaah have mercy upon him wrote, “Ja‘far ibn Muhammad reported that Ahmad was asked about a woman wearing transparent and revealing clothes indoors in front of her husband and he (Ahmad) said, ‘There is no harm in that.’ Ja‘far added, ‘I asked him (Ahmad), 'What if she goes out of her house into the yard unveiled while there is nobody else besides her and her husband in the yard?’ Ahmad said, '[There is] no harm in that.” [Al-Mughni] [Islamweb]
 
19. Putting perfume for women after taking a Bath of menses.
 
Imam Bukhari made a chapter
 
"Putting perfume by woman at the time of taking a bath after finishing from the menses" [Sahih al Bukhari, Book of Menstrual Periods, chapter 12]
 
Ibn Hajr al Asqalani said in the commentary:
أن تطيب المرأة عند الغسل من الحيض متأكد بحيث إنه رخص للحادة التي حرم عليها استعمال الطيب في شيء منه مخصوص . 
Putting perfume by a woman at the time of taking bath is emphasised, It is even allowed for a widow (after a bath), even though she is not allowed to put perfume (other than the bath of Hayd) for 4 months and 10 days. [Fath al Bari, Kitab al Hayd, under chapter 12]
 
Narrated `Aisha:
A woman asked the Prophet (peace be upon him) about the bath which is taken after finishing from the menses. The Prophet (peace be upon him) told her what to do and said, "Purify yourself with a piece of cloth scented with musk." The woman asked, "How shall I purify myself with it" He said, "Subhan Allah! Purify yourself (with it)." I (Aisha) pulled her to myself and said, "Rub the place soiled with blood with it." [Sahih al-Bukhari 315]


20. Too much sex vs Playing, Cuddling etc.

a) Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) says regarding Husband and wife:
“وفضلاء الأطباء : يرون أن الجماع من أحد أسباب حفظ الصحة"
The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health.  [Zaad al-Ma’aad:(4/228)]
 
b) Ibn al Jawzi said:
وليعلم ذو الدين والفهم أن المتعة إنما تكون بالقرب من الحبيب، والقرب يحصل بالتقبيل والضم، وذلك يقوي المحبة، والمحبة يلذ وجودها والوطء ينقص المحبة ويعدم تلك اللذة.
People of deen and understanding should understand that, nearness to the beloved is the most joyful thing. This nearness will be achieved through kissing and hugging, This makes the powerful bonding and love (between the husband and wife), and (too much) sex decreases the love and pleasure. [Sayd Al-Khatir (Quarry of the Mind) by Ibn al Jawzi page 117]

c) Prophet peace be upon him said:
All things that a Muslim man does for entertainment are in vain except for shooting arrows, training his horse and playing with his wife, for these are things that bring reward.” [Ibn Maja, Vol. 4, Book 24, Hadith 2811, Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1637]
 
21. Misconception about Anal sex.

It known that it is prohibited but there are some people who claim that Ibn Umar ra and Imam Malik said it is allowed, so I will only respond to this part rather than quoting all the ahadith and athar.

The opinion of Ibn Umar ra.
 
a) at-Tahawi narrated, when Ibn Umar was asked about anal intercourse, He replied:
«وَهَلْ يُفْعَلُ ذَلِكَ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ؟»
Does a Muslim do that? [Sharah Ma`ani al Athar 3/41, Musnad ad-Darami 1/561, Authenticated by Abdul Mannan Rasikh, also authenticated by Muqbil bin Hadee in as-Saheeh al Musnad min Asbaab an-Nuzoool 1/36]
 
Ibn Kathir commented:
وقد تقدم قول ابن مسعود وأبي الدرداء وأبي هريرة وابن عباس وعبد الله بن عمرو في تحريم ذلك، وهو الثابت بلا شك عن عبد الله بن عمر رضي الله عنهما أنه يحرمه. قال أبو محمد عبد الرحمن بن عبد الله الدارمي في مسنده حدثنا عبد الله بن صالح، حدثنا الليث عن الحارث بن يعقوب، عن سعيد بن يسار أبي الحباب، قال قلت لابن عمر ما تقول في الجواري، أيحمض لهن؟ قال وما التحميض؟ فذكر الدبر، فقال وهل يفعل ذلك أحد من المسلمين؟ وكذا رواه ابن وهب وقتيبة عن الليث به وهذا إسناد صحيح ونص صريح منه بتحريم ذلك
The quotes of Ibn Masud, Abi ad-Darda, Abu Huraira, Ibn Abbas, Abdullah ibn Amr are already mentioned regarding the prohibition of (Anal sex). This is also proven from Abdullah ibn Umar without a doubt that he forbade anal intercourse.  Abu Muhammad `Abdullah bin `Abdur-Rahman Darimi reported in his Musnad that Sa`id bin Yasar Abu Hubab said: I said to Ibn `Umar, "What do you say about having sex with women in the rear'' He said, "What does it mean'' I said, "Anal sex.'' He said, "Does a Muslim do that'' This Hadith has an authentic chain of narrators and is an explicit rejection of anal sex from Ibn `Umar. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir under 2 : 223]
 
at-Tahawi considered it authentic as he said:
فَقَدْ ضَادَّ هَذَا عَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُمَا , مَا قَدْ رَوَاهُ عَنْهُ أَهْلُ الْمَقَالَةِ الْأُولَى , مِمَّا قَدْ ذَكَرْنَاهُ فِي ذَلِكَ. وَالدَّلِيلُ عَلَى صِحَّةِ هَذَا , إِنْكَارُ سَالِمِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللهِ أَنْ يَكُونَ ذَلِكَ كَانَ مِنْ أَبِيهِ
i.e. the evidence of its authentication is rejection of this practice by Saalim ibn Abdullah from his father (Ibn Umar) . [Sharah Ma`ani al Athar 3/41]
 
b) Ibn Kathir said:
 
An-Nasa'i reported that Ka`b bin `Alqamah said that Abu An-Nadr said that he asked Nafi`, "The people are repeating the statement that you relate from Ibn `Umar that he allowed sex with women in their rear (anus).'' He said, "THEY HAVE SAID A LIE ABOUT ME...(Ibn Kathir said) 
وهذا إسناد صحيح
This has an authentic chain of narrators. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir under 2 : 223]
 
Mujahid said:
عن مجاهد قال من أتى امرأته في دبرها فهو من المرأة مثله من الرجل ثم تلا ويسألونك عن المحيض قل هو أذى فاعتزلوا النساء في المحيض ولا تقربوهن حتى يطهرن فإذا تطهرن فأتوهن من حيث أمركم الله أن تعتزلوهن في المحيض الفرج 
Whoever did anal Intercourse IT IS AS IF HE DID IT WITH A MAN, then recited the verse 2 : 222.  [Sunan ad-Darami no. 1175 authenticated by Abdul Mannan Rasikh]
 
The Opinion of Imam Maalik.
 
a) Imam al Qurtubi quoted:
 وقال مالك لابن وهب وعليّ بن زياد لما أخبراه أن ناساً بمصر يتحدّثون عنه أنه يجيز ذلك؛ فنفر من ذلك؛ وبادر إلى تكذيب الناقل فقال: كذبوا عليّ، كذبوا عَلَيّ، كذبوا عَلَيّ! ثم قال: ألستم قوماً عَرَباً؟ ألم يقل الله تعالىٰ: { نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَّكُمْ }؟ وهل يكون الحرث إلاَّ في موضع المنبِت! 
Imam Malik said to Ibn Wahb and Ali ibn Ziyad at that time when they informed him that people in Egypt are narrating from you that you allow anal intercourse. Maalik hated this and said the naaqil is a liar. He said: they fabricate lies against me, they fabricate lies against me. Then he said: aren't you Arab? Allah says:"Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you" Is there any other place of sowing seed? [i.e. it is only vagina] [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 2 : 223]
 
b) Ibn Kathir said:
وروى معمر بن عيسى عن مالك أن ذلك حرام. وقال أبو بكر بن زياد النيسابوري حدثني إسماعيل ابن حسين، حدثني إسرائيل بن روح، سألت مالك بن أنس ما تقول في إتيان النساء في أدبارهن؟ قال ما أنتم إلا قوم عرب، هل يكون الحرث إلا موضع الزرع، لا تعدوا الفرج، قلت يا أبا عبد الله إنهم يقولون إنك تقول ذلك. قال يكذبون علي، يكذبون علي. فهذا هو الثابت عنه
It is narrated from Ma`mar ibn Isa from Malik that it (anal intercourse) is Prhibited.  Israeel bin Rooh who said, I asked Malik about making sex with wives in their anuses. He replied, 'you are but Bedouins, does the act of tilling happen other than in the place of tilth? Do not exceed the vagina. I said, people say that you allowed that? He answered, they fabricate lies against me, they fabricate lies against me, and he kept repeating this sentence'. (Ibn Kathir said) This opinion is proved from Malik. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir 2 : 223]
 
c) al Qurtubi the Malaki Imam said:
 وحُكي ذلك عن مالكٍ في كتاب له يسمى «كتاب السر». وحذّاق أصحابِ مالكٍ ومشايخهم يُنكرون ذلك الكتاب؛ ومالكٌ أجلُّ من أن يكون له «كتابُ سِرٍّ». ووقع هذا القول في العُتْبِيّة.
This (the acceptance of Anal intercourse) is hikaya from the book attributed to Imam Malik "Kitab al Sirr". But the expert companions of Malik and the scholars among them rejected this book. Imam Maalik is far above from the (statement that) "Kitab al Sirr" is his book. This saying is mentioned in al "Utaybiya". [Tafsir al Qurtubi under 2 : 223]
 
d) Ibn Kathir said:
 وعزاه بعضهم إلى الإمام مالك في كتاب السر، وأكثر الناس ينكر أن يصح ذلك عن الإمام مالك رحمه الله
Some of them said its said by Imam Malik in Kitab al Sirr. And Most of the people rejected that it is not authentic from Imam Malik Rahima ullah/ [Tafsir Ibn Kathir under 2 : 223]

e) Ibn Hajr al Asqalani quoted Imam Malik's quote that it is allowed then he quoted its prohibition from Imam Maalik:
 . وروى الخطيب في " الرواة عن مالك " من طريق إسرائيل بن روح قال : سألت مالكا عن ذلك فقال : ما أنتم قوم عرب ؟ هل يكون الحرث إلا موضع الزرع ؟ وعلى هذه  القصة اعتمد المتأخرون من المالكية ، فلعل مالكا رجع عن قوله الأول ، أو كان يرى أن العمل على خلاف حديث ابن عمر فلم يعمل به ، وإن كانت الرواية فيه صحيحة على قاعدته 
Khateeb narrated through Israeel bin Rooh. who said, I asked Malik about making sex with wives in their anuses. He replied, 'you are but Bedouins, does the act of tilling happen other than in the place of tilth? (Ibn Hajr commented) The later Maalikis did trust on this narration (of prohibition), perhaps Maalik did ruju from his first saying or according to him the practice (of ummah, the sahaba including Ibn Umar ra) is against the hadith of Ibn Umar (where he said the verse was revealed regarding having sex in anus), so he did not consider it to be practiced upon. Even though the narration is authentic according to the qaaida. [Fath al Bari, Kitab al Tafsir under the hadith 4527]

22. A weak hadith regarding sexual intercourse.

It is attributed to the Prophet peace be upon him

"Do not speak too much during sexual intercourse with women, since it brings about muteness and stammer (upon the child to be born of that intercourse)." 
 
Shaykh Naasir Ad-Deen Al-Albaani may Allaah have mercy upon him in his As-Silsilah Ad-Dha‘eefah as shown in his saying, "Generally speaking, the chain of narrators is very weak and unfitting to establish a proof and the tradition is Munkar (abandoned)." [Islamweb]
 
23. A Famous but weak hadith on foreplay but the meaning is saheeh.
 
It is attributed to Prophet peace be upon him:
لا ترتموا على نسائكم كالبهائم ، بل اجعلوا بينكم و بينهم رسولاً ” فقيل: و ما هو الرسول يا رسول الله؟ فاجاب: القبلة
 
None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you. The Companions exclaimed, What is that messenger? The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied, Kisses and (romantic) words! 
 
[Reported by Al-Daylami, al Albani said it is Munkar in Silsilah Daifa no. 6075, al Iraqi said: Munkar in Takhreeh al Ihya 2/50]
 
The meaning of the hadith is saheeh.
 
a) al Ghazali mentioned this hadith of the topic and said:
ثم إذا قضى وطره فليتمهل على أهله حتى تقضي هي أيضاً نَهْمتها ؛ فإن إنزالها ربما يتأخر فتَهيجُ شهوتُها ، ثم القعود عنها إيذاءٌ لها ، والاختلاف في طبع الإنزال يوجب التنافر مهما كان الزوج سابقاً إلى الإنزال ، والتوافق في وقت الإنزال ألذ عندها ، ولا يشتغل الرجل بنفسه عنها فإنها ربما تستحي .
When his semen comes out let him keep his body over her until her semen comes out as well because (sometimes) her semen comes out late. It will be painful for her to be separated from the husband when her sexual desire is high.
[Ihya Uloom al Din ( 2 / 50 )]
 
b) Ibn al Qayyim said:
وممَّا ينبغى تقديُمُه على الجِماع : ملاعبةُ المرأة ، وتقبيلُها ، ومصُّ لِسانها ، وكان رسول الله صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُلاعبُ أهله ، ويُقَبلُها .
He should fondle his wife first before having sex by kissing her and sucking her tongue. The Prophet peace be upon him used to fondle and kiss his wives. 
[Zaad al Maad 4/253]
 
c) Ibn Hajr al asqalani commented on the statement of the Prophet peace be upon him "Why didn't you marry a young girl (Virgin) so that you may play with her and she with you?"
وفيه إشارة إلى مص لسانها ورشف شفتيها ، وذلك يقع عند الملاعبة والتقبيل ، وليس هو ببعيد كما قال القرطبي ،
"It refers to sucking her tongue and lips, and this happens when playing with one's wife and kissing her, so this meaning is very possible as al Qurtubi mentioned". [Fath al Bari, Kitab an Nikah under the hadith 5079-5080]
 
d) Imam Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
: " ويستحب أن يلاعِب امرأته قبل الجماع ؛ لتنهض شهوتُها ، فتنال من لذة الجماع مثل ما ناله "
It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before having intercourse and to arouse her desire, so that she will get the same enjoyment from intercourse as he does.  [Al-Mughni, 8/136]
 
e) Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
المرأة التي قعد لها يريد جماعها وأخذوا منه أنه يسن مؤكدا تقديم المداعبة والتقبيل ومص اللسان على الجماع وكرهوا خلافه
“Foreplay, kissing and sucking the tongue before sexual intercourse is a sunnah muakadah, and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/90, Shamela See: Hadith no. 6536)
 
f) Great scholars said it is Mustahab to fondle and caress i.e. foreplay before having sex. 
 
The scholars include
 
al Nawawi [Rawdha tul Talibeen 7/207]. 
Ibn al Haaj [al Madkhal 2/185]
al San`ani [al Tanveer Sharah Jame al Sagheer 8/312]
 
 

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